Help! Help! Someone Call the Fashion Police!

I’ve been fashion-challenged ever since I was a little girl and my Mom sent me to school wearing bobby socks when knee socks were all the rage.  When mini-skirts were in, I was still wearing poodle skirts, and when hip-huggers came on the scene, I was still prancing around in purple hot pants and a pair of white Go-Go boots.
When the movie Flash Dance came out at the box office, my girlfriends and I were the first in line. After seeing the movie, we immediately went home and cut all of our crew sweatshirts so that we looked like Jennifer Beals everytime we went out to a club.  ‘Do you think we’ll ever regret cutting these sweatshirts?’ I asked my friends as my scissors worked deftly through my tenth sweatshirt.  ‘Never!’ they emphatically replied as several perfectly good pieces of material lay at their feet.
Five years later, one of my friends pulled me aside on the dance floor as my torn sweatshirt hung preciously off one shoulder. She politely whispered in my ear, ‘You might want to pitch that sweatshirt when you get home. That look is soooo over.’ Mortified, I went home right then and slipped on my pointy bra, several necklaces, and pulled my hair up in a bow. Little did I know as I drove back to the club, that the Madonna look had ended two years prior. 
There’s always solace in knowing I’m not alone.  I know that somewhere in the world right now, someone is proudly displaying a fanny pack on their waist while hanging tightly on to a subway pole, not realizing that fanny packs are sooooo last century. I’m just glad it’s not me being made fun of this time.  I’m too busy trying to figure out how to get my collar to stand up on my Polo shirt.



About Vicky DeCoster

Award-winning humor writer Vicky DeCoster is the author of "From Diapers to Dorkville," "Husbands, Hot Flashes, and All That Hullabaloo!" and "The Wacky World of Womanhood." She has been published in over 60 magazines, books, and on several web sites. Vicky lives in Nebraska with her husband and two children where she loves to laugh every day. Visit her at
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