Don’t You Hate it When?

Yesterday morning, I met a girlfriend for coffee at a local eatery. We decided to eat outside. It was a warm, but lovely morning and we were the only ones that took advantage of the outdoor patio seating. The quiet was blissful as we sat down and sipped our coffee next to a waterfall.

We had just begun a lively conversation when the door opened and a dark-haired woman and what looked to be her granddaughter came out on to the patio. They talked loudly as they carefully scrutinized the area and then pointed to the table right next to us.

Don’t you hate it when?

"Don’t even tell me," I muttered to my friend.

She rolled her eyes as she glanced over at the woman who planted herself within an arm’s length of her.

"Gee," I whispered. "The entire patio is open and they want to sit next to us? We must be important!"

We laughed as we continued talking. Just seconds later, the woman’s cell phone rang and this is what we heard.

"BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, I AM SPEAKING IN GREEK AND I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO TALK SOFTLY!"

Don’t you hate it when?

This woman really was speaking in Greek, so we couldn’t understand a word she was saying. We couldn’t even eavesdrop and learn something exciting about her life since she was broadcasting it at 350 decibels. We had no choice but to listen.

This time, I rolled my eyes and tried to stay focused on our conversation. "Do you have a bullhorn?" I asked my friend.

"WHAT?" she yelled over the woman’s voice that was becoming more loud and shrill by the minute.

"I NEED A BULLHORN SO YOU CAN HEAR ME!" I shouted back.

"OH!" she yelled. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING LATER TODAY?"

"I’M GOING TO BUY SOME RUNNING SHOES!"

A shocked look passed over her face. She said, "DID YOU SAY YOU’RE GOING TO BUY WEDDING SHOES TODAY?"

"NO! I shouted. "RUNNING SHOES!"

At that point, we looked at each other and burst out laughing. We laughed and laughed until we could laugh no more. After all, I had been married for 15 years. What would I need with wedding shoes? The woman blabbed on next to us, oblivious to the hilarity of the situation.

When we finally caught our breath, my friend looked at me and said, "This is what you write about all the time, isn’t it? Finding the humor in these types of situations?"

"THANK GOD I CAN READ LIPS!" I shouted. "BUT YES!"

We left a short time later, feeling much better after our hearty laughter. I suppose we could have stomped out of the restaurant, angry at the woman’s rudeness, but instead, we stopped, lived in the moment, and found the humor. And when we found the humor, we discovered the fun in life again.

 

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About Vicky DeCoster

Award-winning humor writer Vicky DeCoster is the author of "From Diapers to Dorkville," "Husbands, Hot Flashes, and All That Hullabaloo!" and "The Wacky World of Womanhood." She has been published in over 60 magazines, books, and on several web sites. Vicky lives in Nebraska with her husband and two children where she loves to laugh every day. Visit her at www.wackywomanhood.com.
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