Frosty and Rudolph Meet Alvin and the Chipmunks

As I drove myself to the gym on a cold, dark morning last week, I squinted at the dashboard clock through my sunglasses. I had never realized how bright the streetlights were until I’d been out in my car at 5:35 a.m. I stepped on the gas. Every second I wasted getting to the gym was a second wasted burning off the 20 Christmas cookies I had eaten the day before and the 40 more pieces of fudge I planned on eating that afternoon.

More bright lights greeted me as I staggered into the gym. Treadmills were buzzing, bicycles were humming, and I was pretty sure I was managing the art of sleeping standing up. I switched on my auto pilot button, turned on my radio, slipped on my headphones and began running.

Christmas music greeted me on every channel. I jogged to Alvin and the Chipmunks but it reminded me too much of how stuffed my cheeks were during the office Christmas party last weekend. I sprinted to Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer but it just made me remember a traumatic moment in my childhood when no one would let me play baseball at recess just because one time when I was running the bases, I stopped to pull up my socks. Frosty the Snowman played next I managed to run without being reminded of anything except a minor pipe smoking incident when I was in high school. I decided to celebrate that fact and entertain myself by making up my own lyrics to the song.

Vicky DeCoster, was a jolly happy soul,
With a droopy butt and a double chin, and a belly made of fat.
Vicky DeCoster, is a fairytale, they say,
She was made of flab, but the children know she came to life early one day.
There must have been some magic in that old sweatband they found,
For when they placed it on her head, she began to run on the treadmill!
Oh, Vicky DeCoster, was alive as she could be,
And the children say she could laugh and play,
Just the same as you and me.
Thumpety thump, thump, thumpety, thump, thump,
Look at Vicky go.
Thumpety thump, thump, thumpety, thump, thump,
Dangerously over a normal heart rate.
Vicky DeCoster knew the treadmill was on too high,
But she said, "I’m gonna run and have some fun before I need oxygen."
Soon all the children were crying and needed therapy,
Vicky had passed out cold and taken a header right off the treadmill,
Her body paused for a moment in the air when someone hollered, "Call 911!"
Soon Vicky DeCoster had to hurry on her way (there was a line in the ER) and the ambulance was waiting,
She waved goodbye from the stretcher, sayin’ "Don’t cry, I’ll be back again tomorrow morning."

I’m shouting out with glee because I think I’m definitely going down in history with this song. Now if that darn Alvin and Theodore would just stop fighting, there might actually be some peace on this earth.

 

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About Vicky DeCoster

Award-winning humor writer Vicky DeCoster is the author of "From Diapers to Dorkville," "Husbands, Hot Flashes, and All That Hullabaloo!" and "The Wacky World of Womanhood." She has been published in over 60 magazines, books, and on several web sites. Vicky lives in Nebraska with her husband and two children where she loves to laugh every day. Visit her at www.wackywomanhood.com.
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One Response to Frosty and Rudolph Meet Alvin and the Chipmunks

  1. yoxi says:

    je suis .. américain je peux parler peu de haha français

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