As I drove myself to the gym on a cold, dark morning last week, I squinted at the dashboard clock through my sunglasses. I had never realized how bright the streetlights were until I’d been out in my car at 5:35 a.m. I stepped on the gas. Every second I wasted getting to the gym was a second wasted burning off the 20 Christmas cookies I had eaten the day before and the 40 more pieces of fudge I planned on eating that afternoon.
More bright lights greeted me as I staggered into the gym. Treadmills were buzzing, bicycles were humming, and I was pretty sure I was managing the art of sleeping standing up. I switched on my auto pilot button, turned on my radio, slipped on my headphones and began running.
Christmas music greeted me on every channel. I jogged to Alvin and the Chipmunks but it reminded me too much of how stuffed my cheeks were during the office Christmas party last weekend. I sprinted to Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer but it just made me remember a traumatic moment in my childhood when no one would let me play baseball at recess just because one time when I was running the bases, I stopped to pull up my socks. Frosty the Snowman played next I managed to run without being reminded of anything except a minor pipe smoking incident when I was in high school. I decided to celebrate that fact and entertain myself by making up my own lyrics to the song.
I’m shouting out with glee because I think I’m definitely going down in history with this song. Now if that darn Alvin and Theodore would just stop fighting, there might actually be some peace on this earth.