Undie-i-tis Causes Accident

     If you know me, you know I frequently write about my undergarments. My unmentionables are always getting me into trouble, whether it’s because they’re too old, don’t fit right, or are just plain ugly.

     About two weeks ago, my ill-fitting underwear caused some "minor front-end damage" to my car. I know it sounds crazy, but I had a bad case of undie-i-tis as I pulled into my driveway one afternoon. Now, try to imagine reaching behind to "adjust" your underwear to a more comfortable position (i.e., out of your colon) and raising your backside up off the driver’s seat without pressing your foot on to the floor for leverage.

     Unfortunately, my foot was on the gas pedal at the time.

     I pulled into the garage at a slightly faster speed than I normally do (75 mph). Just as I managed to pull my underwear out of my innards, I slammed on the brake, but not before crashing my front end into a set of shelves leaning up against the garage wall.

     My husband ran out of the house, looked at the shelves, and then back at my car. Resting his hands on his hips, he said, "I can’t wait to hear this one."

     I opened the car door and replied sheepishly, "I had undie-i-tis."

     Our auto insurance agent hasn’t stopped laughing yet.

     And of course, I haven’t stopped my quest to find underwear that doesn’t end up being thong underwear after I walk ten steps.

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About Vicky DeCoster

Award-winning humor writer Vicky DeCoster is the author of "From Diapers to Dorkville," "Husbands, Hot Flashes, and All That Hullabaloo!" and "The Wacky World of Womanhood." She has been published in over 60 magazines, books, and on several web sites. Vicky lives in Nebraska with her husband and two children where she loves to laugh every day. Visit her at www.wackywomanhood.com.
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